I'm off to the beach.
Have a fun, safe New Year. If you're going to get retardedly drunk then please, don't drive. If you're going to get laid, then use the necessary precautions. If you puke, then puke inside the toilet bowl, in the ocean, or in the bushes. Stick to one kind of alcohol, unless you have nothing to lose, like say your dignity as you puke in front of that cute guy or whatever. And if I sound like your mom well, it's because mom's know better. Even though I'm not one. Yet. Or maybe ever. But you get the point. Have fun and take pictures! You never know when that picture of your friend Joe making out with that really ugly chick will come in handy. Blackmail pays.

I'll be back next year. Ha! That joke will never get old.