September 20, 2013
June 16, 2013
daddy's girl
It is already apparent that Madeline will be a daddy's girl; she and her father already share so many similarities. I can't wait to see this little baby grow into a girl and then a woman. I hope we do a good job at raising her. With all the love she receives I know that she will be ok. There is nothing quite like a daddy's love!
June 13, 2013
June 11, 2013
April 29, 2013
April 15, 2013
Madeline: Three Months
My darling daughter,
You came into this world when you decided you were ready, setting the tone for your character early on. You are a serious baby, with a studious, observant face and huge blue eyes. You are now starting to smile, although they are still few and far between making them that much more precious.
Photo by Antoinette Jolie
You love to be held, preferring to be "en brazo" than in your swing or on the bed. Tummy time on your daddy or me is a wonderful occasion, and are those little moments that we treasure greatly. You have a particular favorite position which we call The Baby Dangle, which you scoot into automatically; your mouth within reach of the boob, and your feet dangling adorably on the other side.
Daddy & The Baby Dangle
We are starting to use a sling and a carrier with you, and you are much enjoying the walks we take along with the dogs up into the back hills. You fall asleep almost immediately, lulled by the constant movement, your cheek resting above my heart.
Afternoon walks in the hills
You have quite the appetite, guzzling your Jaramillo soup with much gusto and then letting out a burp or two that would rival Homer Simpson's finest burp. This appetite of yours has helped in fattening you up from a scrawny little 4lb 7oz guppy, to a hefty, chunky legged baby cherub. We love those little thunder thighs of yours, and it looks like you might grow up to have mamas thighs and butt (it's a whole package, as one of your junk in the trunk tia so often mentions).
Drinking your Sopa Jaramillo
Everyone that meets you falls in love with you, and how can they contain themselves? You are a beautiful, sweet child, easy going and mild; except when you are hungry or have a wet nappy. Then all hell breaks loose and we are witness to a pair of lungs that can rival Pavarotti.
Sucker stayed in approximately 3 minutes before you spat it out
Every day that goes by we see you bloom like a carefully tended flower. Our nervousness about and around you has abated as you have gained weight and filled out wonderfully. We thank our lucky stars each day that goes by to be in your presence and to have the good fortune of being your parents.
Love always,
Mama
You came into this world when you decided you were ready, setting the tone for your character early on. You are a serious baby, with a studious, observant face and huge blue eyes. You are now starting to smile, although they are still few and far between making them that much more precious.
You love to be held, preferring to be "en brazo" than in your swing or on the bed. Tummy time on your daddy or me is a wonderful occasion, and are those little moments that we treasure greatly. You have a particular favorite position which we call The Baby Dangle, which you scoot into automatically; your mouth within reach of the boob, and your feet dangling adorably on the other side.
We are starting to use a sling and a carrier with you, and you are much enjoying the walks we take along with the dogs up into the back hills. You fall asleep almost immediately, lulled by the constant movement, your cheek resting above my heart.
You have quite the appetite, guzzling your Jaramillo soup with much gusto and then letting out a burp or two that would rival Homer Simpson's finest burp. This appetite of yours has helped in fattening you up from a scrawny little 4lb 7oz guppy, to a hefty, chunky legged baby cherub. We love those little thunder thighs of yours, and it looks like you might grow up to have mamas thighs and butt (it's a whole package, as one of your junk in the trunk tia so often mentions).
Everyone that meets you falls in love with you, and how can they contain themselves? You are a beautiful, sweet child, easy going and mild; except when you are hungry or have a wet nappy. Then all hell breaks loose and we are witness to a pair of lungs that can rival Pavarotti.
Every day that goes by we see you bloom like a carefully tended flower. Our nervousness about and around you has abated as you have gained weight and filled out wonderfully. We thank our lucky stars each day that goes by to be in your presence and to have the good fortune of being your parents.
Love always,
Mama
April 14, 2013
Madeline my heart: emergency c-section and premature delivery
Things don't always go according to plan. You can plan and imagine and program all you want, but sometimes things don't go according to what you envision or wish.
Case in point: the final trimester of my pregnancy. I was just over 32 weeks pregnant when I started having contractions and abnormal bleeding. Some might blame the game of frisbee I played at the beach, or the fact that I spent half of December puking/barfing/pooping/gorging/shopping for ten straight hours, or the pissed off fibroid that decided it HAD HAD ENOUGH. Either way, I hurried off to the hospital in Panama City where I was put under observation. My contractions and the babies heartbeat were monitored. I was indeed having contractions, these were no Braxton Hicks, but I wasn't dilated so I was given medication to stop the contractions and two injections of steroids as well as SIX WEEKS OF BED REST. Old-school bed rest, i.e., no getting up and wandering about, no exercise, no sex, and absolutely no ten hour shopping sprees. Laying in bed like an 18th century consumptive waif.
I spent a week in bed before I started getting contractions again. Strong contractions, intense contractions that refused to desist. I took the medication that the doctor prescribed, I took a nice warm, relaxing bath, I laid still, nothing worked and the contractions only increased in frequency and intensity. After eleven hours of contractions off to the hospital, again.
Strapped into the monitors once again, fetal and contractions. This time I was dilated 2 cm and was the deciding factor in having an emergency c-section, which came as an absolute shock and surprise to me. It was very cut and dry, decided without much of my input (and really, what COULD I say? Can you maybe just stitch me up down there and be done with it? I promise I will lay in bed like an invalid, pinky swear).
I was prepped for surgery and within an hour was wheeled into the OR. Gave me just enough time to text some family and friends, barely holding myself together. My little tough mama was by my side the entire time and was the one to check me into the hospital as my husband had gone back to Penonome earlier that week. Once hubs got the message that I was in the hospital, he left in a hurry back to the city, but was caught my heavy Sunday traffic, so was unable to be in the OR with me (and even if he had been in the city, he would not have been allowed in the OR given that it was a premature delivery and hospital rules dictates that no one can be in there other than the doctors and nurses).
I was to go through the process alone.
At that point I disconnected from the scene. It was like a movie, nurses and doctors in green scrubs, anesthesiologist placing the epidural, strapped into the cross so I wouldn't flail about, the sheet separating me from the grizzly view enfolding beyond. I was terrified, too scared to cry, just had to bite my lip and deal with it (how do women DO it? Do it all?).
After some pushing and shoving, Madeline Anne was brought forth into this world on January 13, 2013. She wailed the moment they pulled her out, all 4lbs 7oz of her. She was not shown to me until after the neonate doctor checked her vitals, but I could see her out of the corner of my eye. My baby, my child. A single tear escaped the confines of my eyes and were the only tears I shed until after I was discharged from the hospital.
Madeline was born six weeks early, at 33 and a half weeks of age. She was born healthy and didn't require oxygen or anything drastic, just a bit of phototherapy as she was jaundiced. She suffered some bruising on her face from the force of pulling her out of my abdomen. She looked like a mini-Rocky. The doctor told us not to get our hopes up; that she'd be in the NICU for at least two weeks minimum. This filled our hearts with dread and dashed our hopes of leaving the drama of the hospital behind. Hospital life is no fun.
As the days progressed we saw how strong our little champ was, despite being in an incubator with cables and tubes criss-crossing her little body. She had a healthy appetite, was quite aware and active, and was not suffering from any infections. We were allowed to visit her from 8am-12pm and from 5-8pm. I was not allowed to hold my baby until the third day and I think this was probably the hardest thing for me. Caressing and speaking to her through the incubator was not enough. I needed to know what she felt like, what her hair smelled of, the warmth of her skin...
Nothing compared to the moment when the doctor finally allowed me to hold my little baby: she was tiny! Tiny but perfect, a miniature version of her father. The NICU nurses taught me how to feed, hold, bathe my baby. Lots of care was needed, lots of love and patience. We were completely nervous but also desperate to take our baby home and after six days we were allowed to do so.
It was akin to a miracle. From a two week minimum stay in the NICU, she was discharged after only six days. What a little champion! What a tenacious fighter!
Madeline Anne came home with us on January 19th, 2013 and ever since then we have been on the amazing, exhausting, incredible journey called parenthood.
Case in point: the final trimester of my pregnancy. I was just over 32 weeks pregnant when I started having contractions and abnormal bleeding. Some might blame the game of frisbee I played at the beach, or the fact that I spent half of December puking/barfing/pooping/gorging/shopping for ten straight hours, or the pissed off fibroid that decided it HAD HAD ENOUGH. Either way, I hurried off to the hospital in Panama City where I was put under observation. My contractions and the babies heartbeat were monitored. I was indeed having contractions, these were no Braxton Hicks, but I wasn't dilated so I was given medication to stop the contractions and two injections of steroids as well as SIX WEEKS OF BED REST. Old-school bed rest, i.e., no getting up and wandering about, no exercise, no sex, and absolutely no ten hour shopping sprees. Laying in bed like an 18th century consumptive waif.
I spent a week in bed before I started getting contractions again. Strong contractions, intense contractions that refused to desist. I took the medication that the doctor prescribed, I took a nice warm, relaxing bath, I laid still, nothing worked and the contractions only increased in frequency and intensity. After eleven hours of contractions off to the hospital, again.
Strapped into the monitors once again, fetal and contractions. This time I was dilated 2 cm and was the deciding factor in having an emergency c-section, which came as an absolute shock and surprise to me. It was very cut and dry, decided without much of my input (and really, what COULD I say? Can you maybe just stitch me up down there and be done with it? I promise I will lay in bed like an invalid, pinky swear).
I was prepped for surgery and within an hour was wheeled into the OR. Gave me just enough time to text some family and friends, barely holding myself together. My little tough mama was by my side the entire time and was the one to check me into the hospital as my husband had gone back to Penonome earlier that week. Once hubs got the message that I was in the hospital, he left in a hurry back to the city, but was caught my heavy Sunday traffic, so was unable to be in the OR with me (and even if he had been in the city, he would not have been allowed in the OR given that it was a premature delivery and hospital rules dictates that no one can be in there other than the doctors and nurses).
I was to go through the process alone.
At that point I disconnected from the scene. It was like a movie, nurses and doctors in green scrubs, anesthesiologist placing the epidural, strapped into the cross so I wouldn't flail about, the sheet separating me from the grizzly view enfolding beyond. I was terrified, too scared to cry, just had to bite my lip and deal with it (how do women DO it? Do it all?).
After some pushing and shoving, Madeline Anne was brought forth into this world on January 13, 2013. She wailed the moment they pulled her out, all 4lbs 7oz of her. She was not shown to me until after the neonate doctor checked her vitals, but I could see her out of the corner of my eye. My baby, my child. A single tear escaped the confines of my eyes and were the only tears I shed until after I was discharged from the hospital.
Madeline was born six weeks early, at 33 and a half weeks of age. She was born healthy and didn't require oxygen or anything drastic, just a bit of phototherapy as she was jaundiced. She suffered some bruising on her face from the force of pulling her out of my abdomen. She looked like a mini-Rocky. The doctor told us not to get our hopes up; that she'd be in the NICU for at least two weeks minimum. This filled our hearts with dread and dashed our hopes of leaving the drama of the hospital behind. Hospital life is no fun.
As the days progressed we saw how strong our little champ was, despite being in an incubator with cables and tubes criss-crossing her little body. She had a healthy appetite, was quite aware and active, and was not suffering from any infections. We were allowed to visit her from 8am-12pm and from 5-8pm. I was not allowed to hold my baby until the third day and I think this was probably the hardest thing for me. Caressing and speaking to her through the incubator was not enough. I needed to know what she felt like, what her hair smelled of, the warmth of her skin...
Nothing compared to the moment when the doctor finally allowed me to hold my little baby: she was tiny! Tiny but perfect, a miniature version of her father. The NICU nurses taught me how to feed, hold, bathe my baby. Lots of care was needed, lots of love and patience. We were completely nervous but also desperate to take our baby home and after six days we were allowed to do so.
It was akin to a miracle. From a two week minimum stay in the NICU, she was discharged after only six days. What a little champion! What a tenacious fighter!
Madeline Anne came home with us on January 19th, 2013 and ever since then we have been on the amazing, exhausting, incredible journey called parenthood.
January 3, 2013
Sixty Day Countdown
Finally got around to having the 4D ultrasound on Baby Winstead. It was AMAZING! What wonderful, informative, re-assuring technology. Dr. Villareal in Punta Pacifica Hospital was incredibly thorough, detailed, and knowledgeable. His office was rather large and accommodating with a 60 inch LCD panel where you could see every little detail of the baby. He checked every bit of the baby including her lungs, heart, feet, fingers, nose, palate, placenta, umbilical cord, basically everything, searching for genetic markers and anomalies. Thankfully, the baby is doing perfectly well, she's even a little on the gordita side (we can probably blame the mother for her love of all things icecream, chocolate, and sweets, *ahem*).
We were finally able to get a nice, good look at her face, even though she did NOT make it easy for the doctor to get the money shot, so he had me lay on my side in order to see her face. In general, she was really not up to getting her pictures taken, as her hands and umbilical cord were blocking her face, but with much insistence from the doc, he was finally able to get a close up.
Blowing Kisses
Baby toes!
Yes, she has a darling little button nose that is definitely not from my side of the family. We believe it to come from her father's mother side, as all the women tend to have that cute, sloped nose. We can't wait to nibble and kiss it (and squeeze boogies out of it, as well, let's be realistic here). It looks like she is blowing us kisses in this shot, and isn't that a rather sweet sentiment?
Back when we did the 4D ultrasound (about a month ago) the baby was not only NOT in the correct birthing position, but she was in a breech position with her feet in front of her face (much like a Yogi). We had another appointment with the OBGYN and were able to confirm that she has since accommodated herself accordingly (head facing down), so we will hopefully have a natural birth experience (with much screaming, grunting, begging and pleading involved).
How am I doing? Well, if I complained about the size and girth of my belly before, I take it ALL back. I am now rather huge and bumbling. Getting my big butt out of a low seated area requires major concentration, effort, and um, help. Yes, if you see me sitting and helplessly looking about for something to grab on to, please offer the assistance of your hand or arm; The Preggo could greatly use it just to get up. Sometimes I feel like a turtle on it's back, flailing about, hoping someone will pity it and flip it on to it's legs again.
I do waddle when I'm unawares, so maybe I should just accept that I waddle and be done with it. I AM PREGNANT AND I AM WADDLING MUCH LIKE A PENGUIN. It is not gracious but then again, pregnancy is not about grace, is it? I have never seen a pregnant woman balance a book on her head while she (gracefully) waddles. I guess we will have to wait and see how Kate Middleton does it.
I have of late become lactose intolerant due to the pregnancy. Those of you who know me and my love of all things milk based will be made aware of this slight humiliation at every passable moment. I love milk, I love cheese, I love yogurt, I love ice cream and everything milk based, so this is awful for me. Hubs has promised to fill up my plate with veggies, but who in their right mind wants veggies when ice cream is what they really and truly need? Don't give me that nonsense! The only stuff I crave is man made, delicious, and terribly bad for you all at the same time.
The heat is also killing me. Panama IS a hot place, but having an extra 40 lbs to lug around, is like strapping an Easy Bake oven to your midriff and carrying it about. Hot, hot, and hotter. I think the closer I get to my delivery date, the less clothes I will be wearing. It's summertime right now, but in my opinion there is far too much sun and way too little summer breeze. I never knew what boob sweat was all about until now. Hello boob sweat. You suck. Also, can you get me another blouse from the closet? I have sweated right through this one.
There are plenty of other indignities during pregnancy, but if I were to share them with you you'd probably never want to go through with any of it and then I'd get blamed for the end of the human race, and that's not the kind of responsibility I want. Suffice to say your body goes through a whole lot of changes, as does your brain, your mental state, your emotional state, everything is changed. Some of it will go back to how it was before, while some of it will never, ever be the same. I am ok with this. I am not only OK with this, but I welcome it. I have lived selfishly for myself for 28 years. It's about time some little person came about and slapped me with reality.
P.s. Was watching Toddlers and Tiaras (for shame! Blame it on being preggo and with a stomach flu!), and I couldn't help but find some of it really cute, and some of it really disturbing. I think the low key parental approach was rather the normal way to take it, but there were some serious, over the top parents that need to tone it down a notch. Please remind me to never, ever place my wee little girl in a pageant.
P.p.s. How were your holidays and New Years? I ate far too much ham and turkey and deliciousness, and then got a stomach bug for two weeks on and off. Wonderful way to greet 2013, huddled over the toilet and wishing you had never had that ill fated second bowl of cereal.
November 12, 2012
November 11, 2012
Le Expectant Sausage
Today I took advantage of a little downtime to take some preggo shots. I forgot the tripod so most of them came out blurry and out of focus. I am a fabulous photographer. I am not sticking my stomach out; this is a real, protruding six month baby belly. Three more months to go before we can finally meet our sweet little baby girl. I am still not looking forward to labor and delivery, but I do want to have a natural birth, and not rely on any medications and/or interventions (hahahaha, please remind me this when I am screaming in pain after being in labor for twelve hours!).
Saw some highly interesting/amusing/scary natural birth videos on youtube, so hey if freaking yourself out is your cup of tea, check that shit out. Also, please make fun of my preggo jean shorts. Pretty cute/horrid, huh? Once you get pregnant fashion goes out the window and is replaced by comfort in everything ranging from shoes, to shirts to pants to skirts. If it's not comfy and stretchy I am not wearing it. If Lycra is not at least 50% of it or if it isn't loose, I am passing.
Papo says hiyo. My hair has been looking better than ever. This is a gross admittance, but I only wash it about once or twice a week. It hardly gets greasy and does not smell. Then again, haven't been doing a lot of exercise. Ughhhh, I know I am supposed to, but we're in rainy season and rainy season is bipolar, so some afternoons its pouring and others the sun is shinning and happy and cancerous. Also, I don't see walrus' out there getting a lot of exercise; I see them hanging out on the beach, getting sun, lazing about drinking virgin pina coladas (which is exactly what I should be doing as well).
Speaking of walrus', I am feeling rather lumbering and huge. When I try switching sides at night it requires a lot of work and grunting. Hi, I grunt now. Very appealing! I'm also sleeping with about six pillows; two under my head (to avoid preggo nasal congestion), two on my left side, and a huge, long bigger than king size pillow on my right (which my mom named The Chorizo for obvious reasons). Sleep is not always comfortable, as sleeping on my side causes my back to hurt. The weird dreams have kept on, but I have thankfully had few nightmares. One nightmare I had was that Drew was cheating on me with a blond, and when I confronted him with the evidence, he was very nonplussed about it. I woke up feeling kind of pissy towards him. Very adult and mature.
Most of my clothes stopped fitting awhile ago, so I have a few bits of reliable clothing that I've been wearing over and over and over again. I haven't worn a belt in what feels like ages. Those lovely, loose fitting dresses I used to wear pre-preggo now fit me like a sausage. A very preggo sausage.
October 20, 2012
Halfway there!
And already I am feeling gigantic. Bueno, I am now 5 months along and the whole reality of childbirth and actually having a baby is setting in. The baby has upped her activity level and now I can definitely feel those little punches and kicks (she even kicked her daddy in the mouth when he was kissing my belly!). Yes, it is a she unless she has some magician skills we don't know about ;).
20 weeks along and busting out
Slowly we are preparing for her arrival. I just got back from a two week vacation that seemed to go by much too quickly, but between hanging out in lovely and laidback Taboga with my family, I did some minor shopping and was able to get a couple of important baby related stuff done:
- Started buying some of the baby's layette (which is just a fancy way of saying baby clothes) and got her some onesies, pajamas, and a couple of little outfits because, I seriously could not help myself! You cannot say no to little baby dresses and outfits, it is impossible.
- Bought a portable crib to be used at my mom's place, as well as put the down payment on a lovely espresso colored crib that will later transform into a toddler bed.
- Put a down payment on the baby's carseat (actually got a really awesome deal on this car seat).
- Scoped out and did a lot of comparison shopping between a ton of stores to find the best deals on everything (because I am that kind of person who refuses to buy stuff without knowing for sure that I am getting the best possible quality for the lowest price).
I still need to get to work on the nursery corner, as well as buy all the other baby paraphernalia and p.s. baby stuff is expensive, so be ready to shed some cash, yo.
I am feeling much better in general, though I do have a constant middle back pain that refuses to go away, so I am treating it by sitting with a lumbar support pillow and these two balls that seem to be doing something at least. Also, lots of complaining. Ughhhhhh, my backkkkk, it hurts so much. Besides that, feeling pretty good and even have a bit of the old energy back. Everything I read tells me to enjoy the 2nd trimester because the 3rd trimester will bring some more discomfort. Yey, can't wait to be awkward and the size of a house, ambling about like a waddling penguin!
September 6, 2012
Two + One
I've always liked odd numbers, so you can imagine how excited I am to share the good news: yup! Drew and I are expecting our first kiddo! I am 14 weeks along and my due date is somewhere around the first week of March, 2013. It was unplanned and unexpected, but we are so excited to start on this crazy journey called parenthood. We hope to be good parents and not mess the kid up too badly ;P.
August 28, 2012
Wedding Day: Prep Time
May 19th, 2012 came around pretty quickly. The day before we had a casual lunch for both families at Gastronomia Mar del Sur in El Coco, Penonome, where both of our families were able to mingle and get acquainted with each other.
Then we had a little early evening hangout with friends before I got overwhelmed and kicked everyone out of the cabin. My only Bridezilla moment, and it had more to do with nerves than actual aggravation at people. I needed alone time to digest what was going down the following morning.
Yes, WEDDING DAY was finally arriving. I had a couple of leftover projects I wanted to attempt to complete sometime during the night, but as the evening progressed I made my peace with the unfinished projects and decided that what I had accomplished thus far was more than enough, thankyouverymuch.
Now, the morning of, my little home which is nothing but a small cabin became THE nexus of whirlwind of activity. with the arrival of all of my closest girlfriends and their outfits. I welcomed them with mimosas, put on some dance music (hello Robyn!) and got ready to be beautifed.
I didn't get nervous until my makeup was getting applied and it dawned on me, "Holy crap, I'M GETTING MARRIED IN 30 MINUTES!!!!". Even then, it wasn't about being unsure of what I was getting into, but of the whole brouhaha. There were at least 100 wedding guests waiting, the whole preparation, the food, the commitment, THE MOMENT, it was finally here after months of planning and detailing and crafts and DIYing, it was here. The moment. Yes. THE moment, and already it was going by so fast.
Part TWO, coming soon!
All wedding pictures by my beautiful and talented friend, ANTOINETTE JOLIE PHOTOGRAPHY.
Bridesmaid's dresses (they were free to wear whatever style they wanted, I just asked for a certain color palette)
Mama getting dolled up
Then we had a little early evening hangout with friends before I got overwhelmed and kicked everyone out of the cabin. My only Bridezilla moment, and it had more to do with nerves than actual aggravation at people. I needed alone time to digest what was going down the following morning.
Yes, WEDDING DAY was finally arriving. I had a couple of leftover projects I wanted to attempt to complete sometime during the night, but as the evening progressed I made my peace with the unfinished projects and decided that what I had accomplished thus far was more than enough, thankyouverymuch.
Always the right time to dance
Also, this bride was ex-haus-ted and needed some sleep, especially as I had programmed the bridesmaids, my mom, photographer friends,and the hairdresser and makeup artist (among others) to arrive at 7am the next morning. The wedding was supposed to start at11am, afterall, and I didn't want to be late.
Mimosas in plastic cups, CLASSY!
Jubilation takes on a whole other meaning when you are surrounded by some of your closest girlfriends, all cheering you on and supporting you in ways you never imagined possible.
Mother and Daughter
I didn't get nervous until my makeup was getting applied and it dawned on me, "Holy crap, I'M GETTING MARRIED IN 30 MINUTES!!!!". Even then, it wasn't about being unsure of what I was getting into, but of the whole brouhaha. There were at least 100 wedding guests waiting, the whole preparation, the food, the commitment, THE MOMENT, it was finally here after months of planning and detailing and crafts and DIYing, it was here. The moment. Yes. THE moment, and already it was going by so fast.
Part TWO, coming soon!
All wedding pictures by my beautiful and talented friend, ANTOINETTE JOLIE PHOTOGRAPHY.
Craziest Thing I Ever Did
... was fall in love! Jumped off that ledge into the unknown abyss and haven't looked back. Thank you for being patient, loving, caring, and patient all over again. My heart belongs to you.
Love always,
Hil
Maki, the Australian Cattle Puppy
Maki is the newest member of our family. He is a 5 week old Australian Cattle Dog (puppy). He is a bit timid, but we are giving him a helluva lotta love and attention. He already follows Drew around, and cries whenever he can't find him. Oh boy! We are excited to have him add a little bit of color and fun to our growing family.
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